ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
