she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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