He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
