The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
