I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
