A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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