youre lurking in front of me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
