I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
