woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
