Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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