The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
