Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
