The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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