Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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