he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
too bad you live with your parents still
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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