So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
