i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
