Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize