I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
