she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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