arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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