Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
