I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
