i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
