Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
