mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You're like the curious george of whores
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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