saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
