I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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