My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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