Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
