Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this beer tastes like vomit already
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
