Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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