Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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