if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
