Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
