I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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