You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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