I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
