My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
