My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
