So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
