Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
