It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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