My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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