The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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