I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
