i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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