I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
