oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
