Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
