my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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