I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
