hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
