The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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