she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
