You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
