I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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