"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
