Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
