So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
