It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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