I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
