so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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