So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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