Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
