Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
