I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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