im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
