sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
