a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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